This isn't crazy, it's just me.

Do we ever actually know ourselves?
It really seems like each time I've ever thought I figured myself out, or part of myself at least, I find out I have no idea again. As usual.
It's like happiness (whatever that means to anyone) is always elusive. And when I find what I thought was it.. it turns out to be something else that is out of reach. I know it's good to have goals, but really? Is happiness something I'll never actually achieve? Is it always going to be the carrot being dangled in front of my face? Or is it all just in my mind.. do I want to be just "almost" happy forever? It is already getting old, I can't imagine just chasing happiness for the rest of my life. That's damn depressing. I have all the basics to be quite content (almost) and should just be ok with it. But I'm always looking for a better opportunity. WHY!?!?!

I hate that I won't let myself be happy. I just don't think I'm capable and I don't know how to fix that.